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"..Inside your heart is heaven in a world becoming hell.." [entries|friends|calendar]

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[14 Nov 2005|10:33pm]
so my bday is in like 2days and a couple hours & i jus wanna say fuck it all....im so miserable on my bday this is gonna blow so badly....not only am i sick but im gonna hav to go to the police station tomorrow hopefully i wont hav work tomorrow...i dunno though...im on-call so if they get busy there im gonna hav to go in if not another day off...i hav nuttin to do wit this fuckin kid...i never liked him hes a scumbag & hes gonna run around runnin his fuckin mouth bout me...i dont think so...theres to much shit goin on in my life for me to hav to worry bout this shit...yea i sucked his dick 3 times...yea ok i hated that kid i wouldnt go anywhere near him if i was paid a million dollars...id rather b killed then hav to suck his fuckin dick...im a fuckin slut ok watever go ahead & say wat u want i dont care...now hes threatenin me...i wish i could hav my brother go beat the fuckin shit outta him...but i no he would & i wouldnt want my brother gettin in trouble over him hes not fuckin worth it...i dunno im gonna go im jus soo pissed off & i cant nor anyone else comment bak to him on myspace so im lettin out steam on here...cuz if someone comments bak to him i might not b able to press charges...& i want him to go to jail or something...i think it would b fun as hell...k bye love everyone...
1 time... i was robbed of your kiss??

summers startin 2 end schools comin soon my lucks been gettin worse & worse... [17 Aug 2005|03:31am]
[ mood | pissed off ]

so i lost my cell phone last nite...i had 2 go buy another 1 2day...i love it...im jus pissed i lost it...then sunday i was comin home from the mall 2 pick up jess & go 2 rach's party & i stoped 2 get gas...im on the phone wit jess & im tellin her im on my way & wat not & the gas pumper dude was like both tires on passenger side r flat pull bak there & blow them up...so i was like ok thanks...so i blow them up & im on my way...i go 2 shoprite i pick up jess i go home then i go 2 matts...next day i came home from matts dropped off jess went home & went 2 sleep...then i lost my cell phone that nite...then i picked up jess 2day & we were goin 2 buy ciggs & i stopped 2 get air in my tired cuz they were both felt flat again...same side & everything...so i stop & get some air in my tires & realize...some1 tried 2 slit my tires...it looks like they were walkin past my car wit a knife tried 2 stab the tire & couldnt get it all the way...now theres jus this lil peice that hangs around...erg...i dunno how 2 explain it...if u saw it u would understand...but im jus so frustrated wit this fuckin world...like come on...grow up people...if i ever find out who did it i swear 2 god im gonna punch their fuckin lights out...& i will find out who it is...people dont realize that shit that happens in j-town if it has anything 2 do wit me or any1 i no or is relivantly important in my life it ALL gets bak 2 me...i always find out everything & every1 nos this...i dunno when every1s gonna come 2 there senses & stop bein such fuckin retarts...watever im stressed 2 the limit...i jus wanna go play some nintendo...yea baby i so totally fuckin kick ass at it now...


i was robbed of your kiss??

fuck everything... [16 Jul 2005|02:44am]
so alot has been goin on...im not gettin in2 anything bc if i do i no ill jus get bitched at by some1...so im jus gonna say this alot of weird stuff has been goin on lately & im gonna find out the truth sooner or later...& if its wat i think shit will b hittin the roof, fall hit the floor & bounce bak up a couple more times & hit the roof...yea its that damn bad...im hurt, crushed & completely torn apart on the inside...& if it turns out im rite bout this shit im probably gonna end up in jail...or a insane asylum...i jus cant believe people anymore...i feel like everything & every1 i could count on has jus crumbled beneath me & i hav nuttin left to stand on...like i could jus fall over any second & it would b alright wit every1 around...i dunno wat 2 do anymore or who 2 talk 2...i feel like every1 i talk 2 is jus noddin their heads & agreein not even payin attention 2 wat im sayin...so y bother talkin 2 them...then other people this involves so i cant go talk 2 them...whos left when every1 is taken away?? when every1 has jus kinda taken a big step bakwards at the same time...when all u hav left is faded memories & old photographs of how things used 2 b...god i wish we could jus rewind & go bak in time...<33
1 time... i was robbed of your kiss??

...i carved your name into a bullet so you'd be the last thing going through my head... [21 May 2005|02:44am]
[ mood | dorky ]

ok wow so i dont believe in updatin anymore...against my religion or some shit like that...i dunno...well...hmm...im havin lots of problems...i hav no friends i need someone to talk to that can help me like oh i dunno alot...lol...i dont feel good...my tumtum has been botherin me a lot lately...i think im gettin sick or some shit like that...in june me & jess & momma dukes & aunt donna & alyssa r goin to florida...i cant wait...so i hav a four day weekend this week...amazin...then next weekend i hav a three day weekend...than a two...haha...sorry...i no i no im a loser...i jus got off the phone after almost four hours...hott damn...lol...well yea im like fallin alseep at the keyboard...i gotta get up in a couple hours & pick up jessica from work & take her to get a county id...i wanna go shoppin u dumb hoe...god...ok...well ima go get some sleep...bye byez...

Mucho Love..

i was robbed of your kiss??

wooo hooo.... [03 Jan 2005|04:45am]
wow i havnt updated in sooooooooo long...im soo bored rite now...i hav 2 get up 4 school at 5:30ish...more like 5:15 cuz i dunno how long its gonna take 2 do my hair...but anyways...this winter break was the best 1 ever & probably the best week ever...christmas nite pam picked me up & we went 2 jess's aunts(aunt cindy) & we were hangin out...then we left & went 2 the pool hall & stuff..then the day after christmas me jess & pam went 2 the movies...it was cute...then we went 2 susies & wound up makin plans wit this kid from sayerville 2 hang out wit him..then plans changed & we wound up goin up there...but it was a good thing...me susie pam jess & brian & his friend matt were all hangin at brians...then we went 2 the pool hall & then 2 the diner...it was soo much fun...matt is soo hott...i dont remember wat happened the next day i think pam went home...then she came bak the next day wit brian...another brian...& we went 2 play pool & then went 2 the diner(u pickin up a pattern 4 us? lol) & we saw dez & jimmy & i went 2 throw a fry & them & i missed & threw it at the table behind them...it was sooooo funny..then they left the next day...& then matt & brian came down...it was funn..then it was new years eve & we got completely drunk in my basement & it was piss urself fun..then new years day me jess & susan went 2 jess's grandmas(grandmas) 4 jess's great grandpas b-day & he called me fat..then got yelled at & took it bak & said chunky..it was great..then we went bak 2 jess's & hung out..& then i went home & now i cant go 2 sleep & i gotta get up in a couple mins...blah..byez...

i was robbed of your kiss??

[21 Nov 2004|04:28pm]
[ mood | angry ]

blah..well last week was fun..wed was my b-day so i went & got my license..it was fun..then i went 2 my aunts & stuff..then thursday meg came home wit me & trish went home wit her & it was illegal..lol..we all hung out drove around meg spit on my window..it was funny..then i dropped meg off & we were on our way bak 2 fuckin jess's leavin megs & i pull over & decide 2 let jess drive..holy shit..we almost died..now i no 2 wear my seltbelt at ALL times..lol..that dashboard kinda hurts when u fly in2 it..lmao..then after she almost killed us i drove 2 hampshire hills..& i let trish & jess take turns drivin..& i taught them k-turns even tho jess does them at like 1mph..its crazy..trish was a good driver tho..but mayb i should wait till u guyz get ur lisence 2 let u drive lol..but trish is grounded & isnt aloud 2 drive 4 a week anyways lol..then friday me & jess went 2 the mall & we came home & i hung out at my house then went 2 jess's..then saturday we werent ever at a house..we had a slow speed chase/get-a-way at alicias..then we went shopin & went 2 the outlets..then we went 2 jess & had a movie nite..funny thing is we never watch any movies..but i stayed outside almost all nite wit trish,hope,brother,scott,& dean..i was so pissed off at bree i didnt wanna go near her..& i got an attitude bout me bein outside..well 2 bad i new i was..i chose 2 stay out there away from her..erg..god damn fuck shit..im in the worst mood ever rite now..when i finally fell asleep i got woken up & i didnt feel good so i was bein told i was grumpy & as i was tryin 2 sleep i hear my name gettin tossed around..erg..im jus so grumpy..i wanna get a fuckin car & jus drive 2 no where..AHHHHHH...

i was robbed of your kiss??

[15 Nov 2004|08:02pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

worst week of my fuckin life..well everything but 1 thing..pixie got in2 a car accident on monday & she died..RIP..i love u hunni..tuesday i didnt go 2 school 2 much 2 handle..wed i went no1 else did..thursday i went home wit susie after school & hung out then me susie jess & melissa went 2 the wake..it was wayy wayy 2 fuckin sad..then alot peeps came bak 2 susies afterwards & crashed there..it was funny..then friday we went 2 the funeral..it was super sad..i sat there in tears i jus couldnt stop..i mean im not even over my g-ma & i new it was comin when that happened & that was 4 years ago..no1 was prepared 4 jess..its gonna take a long ass time 2 get over it..then after the funeral i went 2 susies again & hung out then went 2 slaps..then bree,larry,shawn,carson,jon,& kyle came over..they wound up sleepin there..i like carson..hes a sweeti..& yea..then they left larry at jess's on saturday & it was scary..then finally he left like 536735 hours later & after we were all freaked out..then we went 2 sleep & sunday hung out there..then went home..2day was monday 1 week since the accident..its jus not the same..its not rite..y her..erg..it should hav been that dumb bitch that was drivin..fuckin retart i hope u like 2 b 110 & u remember her face & her laugh & her voice everyday & u r huanted by her spirits bc u deserve it..wat were u thinkin? were u thinkin? u couldnt drive..y risk every1 lives..if its urs no biggie im sure no1 would miss u but it was pixie..this adorable lil girl who was way 2 young 2 die..i hope u suffer 4 the rest of ur life..


1 time... i was robbed of your kiss??

[09 Nov 2004|05:59pm]




                                 .WE LOVE YOU.

i was robbed of your kiss??

fun fun fun.. [08 Nov 2004|06:29pm]
[ mood | tired ]

well this weekend was fun..friday pam picked up me & jess & we went up 2 her apartment..it is soooo nice.well except the floor tiles on the wall..and the futon and the broke tables..& the "stuck in the '60s table", & the crayon colored wall..and the dead people..& the racoons..wow..ok but its really cool..lmao..friday we went there & hung out pam went 2 work..we made her dinner..it was good..then we went & met chris at dennys..omg he is soo amazinly hott..i thought i was gonna die..oh man..then we went home i believe..saturday pam called outta work..we went 2 the mall & best buy & other places..then we went bak 2 her house & watched viva la bam..then we went 2 the pool hall & out 2 eat at tic toc..then we went 2 spring romeo but we got scared & went bak 2 the car..then we went & met up wit tim jim & uncle steve..idk i was jus as confused as u..lol..then we went home 3 hours later..omg..we didnt get bak 2 the house till like 4:30ish..long day..then sunday we came home..& tismornin pam drove us 2 school & we went out 2 breakfast..but yea ok imma go now byez...


i was robbed of your kiss??

LALALA [05 Nov 2004|10:56am]
[ mood | stressed ]

im so lazy i never update this anymore..cuz well i never really no wat 2 say but anyways..so..im goin 2 pa 2day..pams comin down 2 pick us up & were goin 2 her house till sunday..yay..i dont really remember easton 2 much..i remember we egged it..i hav 2 go bak..peace..


i was robbed of your kiss??

blah.. [28 Oct 2004|12:02am]
[ mood | tired ]

hi..im at jess's..& im bored..shes blow dryin her hair..uck..i hav 2 get up round 5:30ish..i dont wanna..im so tired..idk y..mayb cuz im used 2 goin 2 sleep round oh i dunno like 9 everynite lately & wakin up at like 4:30ish..but yea so ima go now..bye byes..


i was robbed of your kiss??

another phone call to hold on to another night alone, we made it through... [24 Oct 2004|07:21pm]
[ mood | blank ]

so its been fun..friday jess dunn came home from school wit me & i drove her 2 work shes funny..then we picked up ellie..shes cool 2 but i think donnas cooler..then we went 2 slappys house..& i woke her up..cuz she was sleepin..& we went 2 this thing in edison & it was fun..then we went 2 harolds..omg..that was a big sandwich..lol..then i slept over slaps..& saturday we hung out then we hung out wit bree & went 2 the hayride..got home at 1..well 2 slaps..lol..then 2day we hung out & then went 2 brees..then i walked home & went 2 shoprite & slaps 2 pick up my phone..well im leavin now byez..


P.S.24 days till i get my lisence..yay..

1 time... i was robbed of your kiss??

yay.. [20 Oct 2004|05:43pm]
[ mood | cold ]

pam jus called..i miss her..i havnt seen her in awhile..she moved in2 her apartment..yay..lol..shes been in there seen sunday i believe..im so happy 4 her..our lil pam is all grown up..lol..she told me i hav 2 get a car so we can go up there on weekends..yea rite..im not aloud 2 hav a car until march & thats if i do good in school..blah..im gettin like progressivly worse..im like half dead & all the meds im takin rnt doin shit..i hav this severe congestion stuff thats supposed 2 make u not congested..didnt work..ugh..it sucks..& my meds the doc gave me yea they do diddly shit..erg..i hav 2 get better i need 2 get better..blah..im not sure if im goin 2 school tomorrow..i hav iss..& i really dont feel good so im not gonna b in the mood 2 sit there..but idk..im so bad at myself i got iss again..i promised myself i was gonna stay outta trouble..& its bullshit i didnt even cut this time..i only cut 1 class this year & that was 4th per..not 1st 4th..dumb bitches..blah..ok well im gonna go..i think im gonna go take another nap..& more drugs..byez..


i was robbed of your kiss??

blah... [19 Oct 2004|05:03pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

soo i hav been deathly sick lately..i went home early from school yesterday & went 2 the doctors the dentist..worst day ever..& 2day i didnt go 2 school cuz i had 2 go get blood taken..it sucked..i hate gettin blood taken..i hate needles..then me & mommy went 2 longhorns & we ate lunch..then we went 2 kohls..i got 2 new pairs of pants & a shirt..i dont feel good..i think im gonna go take a nap..byez..


i was robbed of your kiss??

erg.... [30 Sep 2004|05:10pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

blah..i hate school..i hate people..i hate everything..erg im so pissed off..tomorrow i can jus feel it im gonna b gettin in madd trouble..cuz im not in the mood..tomorrow im gonna b madd chill untill some1 starts runnin there mouth..erg..so yesterday i walked outta class cuz i wanted 2 go 2 my locker..& the fuckin douche bag said no..so i left..so i went 2 the office & was hangin out wit trish chris(i still think thats weird) & some cute kid 4 a lil while..the cute kid gave me a hug..cuz i gave him a cig & its the same 1s he smokes so he was happy & asked me if he could give me a hug..it was weird but cool..lol..then we went home..i went 2 jess's & was hangin out there..we watched godsend i left round 10:30ish 11..got home hung out fell asleep..2day sucked dick..i woke up at 6 jumped in the shower got out & got ready real quick..got 2 school..i got a 79 in bio not happy wit that..i hav 2 bring it up..i want i need a car..then second per i got in trouble alot cuz i was talkin but wat else is new..then 3rd per was cool up untill lunch..i almost beat pat kileys? face in..i seriously was i jus want 2 beat the livin shit outta him..im standin there & he starts callin me a whore..i got soo pissed off i swear 2 god..if i hear my name or anything regardin me comin outta his mouth tomorrow im gonna beat the livin shit outta him..i dont care if i get suspended & lose the money i dont fuckin care i jus fuckin hate this fuckin kid wit a passion..i swear 2 god i jus wanna kill some1 rite now i jus dont feel good pissed off totally depressed..ugh..i need hardcore drugs..i need 2 go 2 his house & smoke wit him..i think im gonna tell him he can smoke only if im wit him..hm..but i dont want him doin it at all..ugh..im so confused..i need alcohol..NOW..then i found out my grandma is goin in 4 bipass tomorrow..i swear 2 god..some1 is gonna say the wrong thing tomorrow & im gonna fuckin snap..like im flippin out soo badly..im kinda hopin i beat the livin shit outta pat & i get suspended 4 next week & me & my mom go down 2 see my grandma..i miss her..i dont like this..i dont want her 2 hav surgery..i mean i jus saw her last tuesday wed. & she was fuckin fine..im soo scared..shes the only grandparent i hav left..im gonna go now..god i hope i hav a good day tomorrow..byez..


i was robbed of your kiss??

[28 Sep 2004|08:53pm]
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Years You Spend in Jail:35
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first name
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Your Name/Username
Favorite Number?
Favorite Color?
How will you commit suicide?You will set your house on fire and sit alone in the corner as the flames consume you
How many tries will it take?56
When will you commit suicide?February 26, 2006
What will your suicide note say?Now there's simply one less heart left to break
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Your LJ username
Your real name
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gangsta name
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i was robbed of your kiss??

hmm...this is weird.. [26 Sep 2004|12:43pm]
[ mood | enthralled ]

y?? y would u jus change this wit out warnin?? r u aloud 2 do that?? i dont think u r..but ok..

soo..jess's surprise party was yesterday..thank u so much 2 every1 who came..even if u didnt hav fun or enjoy it..she was happy..& thanks soo much 2 rl..i love them..there awsome..but yea..last nite was an early nite..we came in bout 1:30ish 2..after every1 left we went 2 play pool then went 2 applebees..im bored..me & pam r sittin in jess's house waitin 4 her 2 get bak..mom & kris r in the room wit the door closed..eek..lol..

tomorrow we hav school..i need alcohol..blah..who wants 2 get me alcohol?????

well ima go..nuttin else 2 really say..byez...


i was robbed of your kiss??

blah.. [19 Sep 2004|09:06pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

im bored..well..i dunno wat 2 say..i had a GREAT weekend..can we redo it?? not change anything but the text messages & the whole no call thing..fuckin douche bag..

so wed. hmm..i went 2 susies..& so did slapster & megan & bree & cat..& yea it was fun..bree & cat sat inside watchin movies..we were outside hangin out wit nick i. & yea..i was textin messagin bear..& we were talkin i dont no if we ok or not...cuz it ended wit me lookin like an asshole..but its my cell phones fault..but it was a funny as hell nite..

thursday we hung out at jess's then walked 2 donnas..helped move a rug..then went 2 susies..& hung out..slept there..

friday woke up sat outside susies..dropped jess off..went home..showered & shit..made a cake..then went 2 the football game..then cat & meg slept over slaps..

saturday was slaps b-day..we woke up ate pancakes..me meg & cat left..went home finished the cake..& got ready went 2 slaps house..got dressed went 2 aunt cindys..hung out..went bak 2 jess's..meg came over..

sunday we hung out went 2 fuckin gay ass jackson day..came home now im gonna go piss..bye byez..


i was robbed of your kiss??

i am very dissapointed... [07 Sep 2004|06:57pm]
[ mood | sick ]

well friday fuckin sucked..went 2 school came home went 2 GA wit katie..then went home & fell asleep cuz i was tired..then saturday i went 2 susies house..& hung out..then we went 2 hollywood..& we watched movies..it was cool..sunday mornin i went home & couldnt sleep so i showered & shit..then i went 2 jess's that nite..& pam came bak..yay..lol..we went 2 play pool we met chris & mike there..it was fun..then we went 2 the park..omg it was soo fuckin funny..mike is cool as hell..hes funny 2..he took as 2 wawa & jess sprayed his axe all over the car & everything smelt..it smelt good after it fades off a lil..but when she went spray crazy i was in the bakseat chokin 2 death..pam & chris r never any place 2 b found..oh & when we were pullin in2 camp joy chris was drivin on his street bike & he crashed..i felt so bad..so then we were gettin ready 2 leave cuz chris didnt wanna get in trouble cuz he goes 4 his test 2 b a cop soon & if he gets in trouble he cant b a cop..so chris pulls out then me pam & jess do & mike is behind us..& as were pullin out a cop pulls in & stops mike..so we leave & we met chris in romeos parkin lot & hes like did mike get stopped? we were like wat?? then we all lose each other & we see chris & mike waitin at the end of forest drive & their followin us..& we miss the turn in2 the regent..so we had 2 go down & turn around & shit it was funny..then we all go in & eat..funniest meal of my life..we were all laughin so hard..then we leave..& we see pat chase & some kid..& we start talkin 2 them & shit..& it was all very funny..& then we do a chinese firedrill guess the driver..lol..then we went 2 my cousins..cuz we were bored..& then we go 2 fuckin pams grandparents..im tellin u her whole fuckin family is gonna hate me soon..pat was there..i got in a lot of trouble wit pam when we left..but thats soo not my fault..then we went home & then monday i went home 4 a couple hours..then we went 2 the psychic..i was literally cryin..i was ballin my fuckin eyes out..im so fuckin scared..hav u ever felt like everytime u start 2 get a lil bit happy that 1 thing gets ripped away faster then u can ever even fuckin imagine..like no matter how hard u try 2 hold on2 it the harder u try 2 b happy the sadder u get..i feel like im bringin it on myself but everytime i try 2 fix it i make it worse..i feel like i cant do anything rite everything is wrong..i need 2 get away..i wanna go on vacation again..i need 2 get outt..im goin now bye byez..


i was robbed of your kiss??

i miss summer... [03 Sep 2004|01:48am]
[ mood | hyper ]

ok so tomorrow scratch that 2day we go bak 2 school..fuck my dick..erg..im so happy tho..cuz october 15th i get paid $100..damn is my mom good at bribes or wat?? she told me if i dont miss 1 day of school 4 a month well 30 days in school she will pay me $100..sweet shit or wat?? i programmed it on my phone & everything..im not missin 1 day..haha..im so happy..lol..but i told her already the next day im outta there..its gonna b my day off..lol..

so weds. was some sick shit..it was funn..we got up got ready & we went out 2 wat does pam call it..? bruner..hahhaha..breakfast-lunch-dinner..lmao..me & jess applyed 4 a job there..i might b cashier cuz i hav experience..hm..ok..lol..jess might b busgirl..its cool tho..its money..they hav madd good food..then after jess got the bumble bee outta her fuckin pants(dont ask) & put it on pams dashboard we went home..& got ready again & went 2 seaside..it was fun..we got our palms read..im kinda scared..ok alot..she said i was gonna live a long healthy life im gonna hav twin girls then another daughter im gonna get married at 27 my husband is gonna b wealthy & i will work because i enjoy my profession & the guy i like i am havin troubles wit but it will work out 4 the best..im scared..i asked my mom if she ever had her palm read she said yea..& she was tellin me wat the person said & everything was right..i think its fuckin creepy..im scared..then after the boardwalk we went 2 go play pool wat else is new?? lol..i love playin pool..i didnt play tho..i had no money..i felt bad..we met these 2 guyz mike & chris?? there funny..mike is shy chris is hott..were gonna b seein a lot more of pam..& shes gonna swear shes here 2 see us when we no shes gonna b here 2 see chris..hahaha..lol..after pool the 5 of us went 2 camp joy..it was funny..we were hangin out 4 a while then after awhile i got pams keys some how & ran 2 the car..next thing i no jess is sittin in the passenger seat mikes in the bakseat & mike goes so u hav ur lisence?? i was like nah..i hav my permit..lol..it was soo funny..then we leave & we make 2 u-eys..& then we go bak & i hit pam wit her car..lmao..well she was on the hood of the car jess was hangin outta the window as i stepped on the gas then break checked her..lmao..it was soo funny jess said mikes face was priceless..then i was drivin 2 jess's & pam starts draggin her pepsi bottle along the road & it explodes so i had 2 go 2 wawa & then i drove 2 jess's..it was crazy..it was fun..then we were hangin out at jess's 4 like 5 mins & then we leave..the time i got home thursday mornin is round the time i hav 2 get up 4 school..rite now its 4:30 almost & im not even fuckin tired..bastards..lol..

pam left thursday..its soo weird..like bein home..not goin 2 the pool hall & pickin up guys..not hangin wit pam..& now i cant steal pams car anymore..lol..this summer has been the best summer of my life..im gonna miss everything bout it..i already do..hmm..school sucks..today after school im goin 2 g.a. wit katie..this shall b fun..lol..u should call my cell phone since u feel bad 4 me..lol..im gonna go & try 2 go 2 sleep..i dont think i am tho..im so fuckin cold..niteynite..i hope every1 has fun at school..haha..1st day of schools always the best tho..


i was robbed of your kiss??

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